...As featured on Chris Cotter's report on SNY's Mets TV broadcast on June 22, 2006. Chris cited facts #18, #32 and #311 as his favorites.
(also featured on Wikipedia).
...regularly updated based on fan e-mail!
Please give credit to this site when discussing these facts on message boards. If you get a laugh out of this, the least you could do is spread the word :)
People say the New York Mets overhype their prospects. That may have been true in the past, but not anymore. With Jose Reyes and David Wright blossoming into superstars, that argument is beginning to fail. However, the final straw that breaks that argument has now arrived. And his name is Lastings Milledge. We have uncovered these facts about this superstar which will make you believe:
1. Lastings Milledge isn't
a 5 tool player. Lastings Milledge has more than 100
tools, many of which are unknown to most baseball scouts.
1A. When the apocalypse dawns and Lastings Milledge comes down to destroy all of the non-believers, Chris Cotter will be spared. He will be placed on a raft with two mets fans and two of every animal.
2. Lastings Milledge wasn’t slapping fives with fans after his first big league homerun. He was healing lepers and cripples.
3. Keith Hernandez thinks a girl’s place is in the dugout as long as they're on the arm of Lastings Milledge.
4. Lastings Milledge doesn’t hit 8th. Those seven other guys are just warming up the pitcher for the first real at bat of the game.
5. Shea Stadium is no longer known as a pitcher’s park now that Lastings Milledge hits there.
6. Lastings Milledge can fix Victor Zambrano in ten minutes.
7. Lastings Milledge has taught Willie Randolph how to execute a double switch.
8. Johnny Damon wishes he can have Lastings Milledge’s hair.
9. When Steve Trachsel deliberates on the mound, he’s thinking of all the ways Lastings Milledge will help the Mets win.
10. Light has to kick it into high gear just to try and keep up with Lastings Milledge’s bat speed.
11. Lastings Milledge’s three children will be named Turner, Citizen’s Bank and 'Chipperer'.
12. Lastings Milledge also has an illegitimate child. He was born in 1895 and his name is Babe Ruth.
13. Billy Wagner likes to warm up just to watch Lastings Milledge play right field.
14. Alex Ochoa and Alex Escobar carry pictures of Lastings Milledge in their wallet to remind them of the players they should have become.
15. Confucius quotes Lastings Milledge.
16. Lastings Milledge is your American Idol.
17. The cross around Lasting Milledge's neck is the secret to the Da Vinci Code.
18. SNY has changed its call letters to LMNY.
19. A-Rod no longer has a crush on Derek Jeter. He is now obsessed with Lastings Milledge.
20. Lastings Milledge knocked Armando Benitez back to 2001.
21. Lastings Milledge can play all three outfield positions at the same time.
22. Lastings Milledge only took #44 because he's waiting for jersey #666.
23. The word "swagger" has been redefined by Webster's to mean Lastings Milledge.
24. Lastings Milledge is not the next Willie Mays. Willie Mays is just a precursor to Lastings Milledge.
25. Jason Grimsley admitted to using steroids and turned himself over to the FBI after he saw Lastings Milledge was coming to town in June.
26. MLB makes Lastings Milledge use a foam bat.
27. Lastings Milledge beat Jose Reyes in a race running backwards.
28. Fred Wilpon has renamed his son Lastings.
29. Lastings Milledge can tell the difference between diet and regular Dr.Pepper.
30. Jose Lima dyed his dreadlocks black in honor of Lastings Milledge.
31. Lastings Milledge wiped the smile off of Andruw Jones' face. Now Andruw has a permanent twitch from the pain inflicted on him by the wrath of Lastings.
32. Roger Clemens has it written in his contract that he does not have to pitch against Lastings Milledge.
33. Lastings Milledge has his own dressing room because when Lastings Milledge changes, his manhood darkens the room and the other players aren't able to get their uniforms on.
34. People dissolve Lastings Milledge's hair roots in water and drink the potion for everlasting life.
35. CBS just added CSI: LASTINGS MILLEDGE to their new Fall lineup.
36. Lastings Milledge ate Mike Tyson's children.
37. Rickey Henderson wishes his name was Lastings Milledge so he'd have a better name to refer to himself in the third person with.
38. God says: "Holy Lastings Milledge."
39. Lastings Milledge is actually the messiah. He will reveal himself in 2021 after he wins the Mets fifteen World Series titles.
40. Lastings Milledge has had sex with more than 30,000 women. And this was just while he was in the minor leagues.
41. Lastings Milledge is the odds on favorite to win the Jets starting QB job.
42. Jim Duquette says he wouldn't trade Lastings Milledge.
43. The Texans didn't draft Reggie Bush, because they're hoping Lastings Milledge will play running back forthem.
44. Barry Bonds claims Lastings Milledge is on steroids.
45. There is a new favorite to win the Belmont Stakes, Lastings Milledge.
46. Lastings Milledge can break 9 cinder blocks that are lit on fire.
47. Lastings Milledge freed Heath Bell.
48. Lastings Milledge doesn't take strikes. He temporarily falls asleep at the plate to rest up before his next big hit.
49. Trees dream of one day becoming a Lastings Milledge bat.
50. Lastings Milledge isn't hip-hop; hip-hop is Lastings Milledge.
51. Two-thirds of the world is covered by water. The rest is covered byLastings Milledge.
52. Civil War cannons were nicknamed "Lastings Milledge's Arm."
53. Lastings doesn't run he wills the earth beneath him to move.
54. Lastings carries his clothes in cardboard boxes because luggage would burst open from its touch.
55. Would you like to see Lastings circle the earth on foot? Would you like to see it again?
56. Lastings through osmosis will cause his teamates to test positive for HGH.
57. Roger Clemens won't throw that bat head at Lastings Milledge. He knows that Milledge would shove the bat head down his throat, eat his children and force him to retire.
58. Lastings Milledge understands the frequency.
59. Lastings Milledge beat traffic on the Van Wyck Expressway.
60. Lastings Milledge traded Kaz Matsui to the Colorado Rockies.
61. Lastings Milledge reminded Jose Valentin how to hit.
62. Lastings Milledge can build skyscrapers and then destroy them with a blink of his eyes.
63. Lastings Milledge got the Beatles back together.
64. Lastings Milledge laughed at the end of "The Notebook."
65. When Lastings Milledge hits a home run, he's disappointed that his at bat is over.
66. Lastings Milledge removed Rick Peterson's jacket.
67. Alay Soler defected to America so he can play with Lastings Milledge.
68. George Steinbrenner doesn't have enough money to buy Lastings Milledge.
69. Lastings Milledge went back in time to 1999 to pitch in relief of Kenny Rogers in Game 6 of the NLCS against the Braves. He struck Andruw Jones out looking and then came back to hit the game winning home run. He then propelled the Mets to a game 7 victory where he pitched a perfect game and hit five home runs.
70. Lastings Milledge's bat breaks Mariano Rivera's cutter in two.
71. When Lastings Milledge threw Nomar Garciapara out at second, he was aiming for Nomar's head.
72. Lastings Milledge sold his soul for a donut but when Satan came around to collect, Lastings beat him all the way back to hell. The donut was chocolate glazed and delicious.
73. At the end of his career, MLB will rename the MVP award to the "Just not as good as Lastings" award.
74. Lastings Milledge does not trade Nolan Ryan for Jim Fregosi.
75. If a tree falls in the forest, Lastings Milledge hears it.
76. The phone company gave Lastings Milledge a 212 number - in fact, they gave him all of them.
77. Lastings Milledge used his jedi mind tricks to force Xavier Nady's appendix into bursting.
78. Lastings Milledge invented the whistle tips for car mufflers...Woot Woot!
79. Nobody puts Baby in the corner, except Lastings Milledge.
80. Lastings Milledge doesn't dodge bullets; he uses them for batting practice.
81. Lastings Milledge can bend light with his arm.
82. Lastings Milledge's arm is so strong that the ball will appear in the fielder's glove before he even throws it.
83. Lastings Milledge would've struck out Paul O'Neill in Game 1 of the 2000 World Series.
84. Bill Buckner missed the ball in Game 6 because an image of Lastings Milledge flashed across his mind, temporarily paralyzing him.
85. Lastings Milledge built Rome in a day and still had enough time to conquer the rest of the known world as well.
86. May 30 will be forever known as "Lastings Milledge Day." Bobbleheads will not be included as it is sacrilege to produce anything in his likeness.
87. Lastings Milledge sank the Bismarck
88. "Who's Your Daddy?" Answer: Lastings Milledge
89. Lastings Milledge is a baseball player with all of their strengths and none of their weaknesses.
90. "The Exorcist" always helps Lastings Milledge fall asleep easier.
91. Randy Johnson is awful this year because he's too worried about pitching to Lastings Milledge.
92. Thomas Jefferson originally wrote for the Declaration of Independence, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that no man is created equal to Lastings Milledge."
93. Lastings Milledge, not Morpheus, is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous man alive.
94. Lastings Milledge can split the atom with his warm-up swings.
95. God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh. Lastings Milledge did it all in one day and still had time to play a double header.
96. Lastings Milledge is his own species. His biological name is "Homerun Rakings."
97. All matter is naturally drawn to Lastings Milledge.
98. Lastings Milledge has to hold back when he throws or else he would shoot the Earth out of its rotation.
99. Lastings Milledge was born without original sin.
100. It is said that no matter can hit absolute zero and completely stop, but when Lastings Milledge plays, EVERYTHING stops to watch.
101. "The World's Strongest Man Competition" has been renamed "The Lastings Milledge Workout Hour."
102. Billy Wagner always asks Lastings Milledge how to throw harder.
103. Lastings Milledge wanted to be a pitcher, but the radar gun doesn't have four digits.
104. Lastings Milledge moves for no man.
105. When Lastings Milledge eventually dies, everything will cease to be. Nothing can exist without Lastings Milledge's presence.
106. The answer to all of life's problems is Lastings Milledge.
107. Lastings Milledge killed al-Zarqawi. He died when Lastings Milledge's second ML homerun was shown on Iraqi TV. He couldn't take that blast.
108. The Pope has decreed that Lastings Milledege, not Jesus is God's only son.
109. Lastings Milledge can talk about Fight Club.
110. Lastings Milledge did not come to the Mets from AAA, he came from Krypton.
111. The 11 teams who passed on Lastings Milledge in the 2003 draft will be contracted.
112. Lastings Milledge puts his shoes on first, then his socks.
113. Lastings Milledge is the only drummer from Spinal Tap to survive.
114. Lastings Milledge gets pulled over for speeding when he circles the bases.
115. Lastings Milledge brought the Giants and Dodgers back to New York just so he can decimate their pitching staffs 19 times a year.
116. Delmon Young threw his bat at a minor league umpire after the ump told him,"You're not Lastings Milledge."
117. Lastings Milledge doesn't need to blow on soup when it's hot.
118. Lastings Milledge is better than a Mac and a PC.
119. Lastings Milledge eats raw habanero chiles for the fun of it.
120. Lastings Milledge tried to call his shot like Babe Ruth, but he realized the human eye can't see as far as he was going to hit the ball.
121. Lastings Milledge was sent from the future to protect John Connor, but heinstead decided to suit up for the Mets for the good of New York City.
122. Lastings Milledge didn't learn how to ride a bike by using training wheels. He learned on a motorcycle.
123. Lastings Milledge learned how to walk before he crawled.
124. Lastings Milledge injured Gary Sheffield's wrist in an arm wrestling match.
125. Lastings Milledge floats like a butterfly and beats the crap out of you.
126. Lastings Milledge is the voice in "Field of Dreams"
127. Lastings Milledge is 12 years old. His parents lied on his birth certificate so he could play with the Mets sooner.
128. Lastings Milledge knows how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
129. Lastings Milledge didn't get called up. He called Omar Minaya and told him he was coming up.
130. Mets management has decided to change the "Diamond Dash" promotion to "Get Thrown Out at Third by Lastings Milledge."
131. Mike and the Mad Dog said that there's a little Willie Mays in Lastings Milledge. Actually, there's a little bit of Lastings Milledge in all of us, but we fail to unlock our full potential.
132. Lasting Milledge's hair is actually a group of antennas that pick up signals from his home planet.
133. TV cameras are naturally drawn to Lastings Milledge. They need a group of cameramen from keeping the cameras from constantly focusing on him.
134. You cannot grasp the true form of Lastings Milledge's swing.
135. If you see Lastings Milledge on your television, he'll throw you out at second seven days later.
136. Lastings Milledge's hair is its own nation. It is currently awaiting entrance into the United Nations.
137. UFC matches were invented by Lastings Milledge so he can stretch out before each game.
138. Lastings Milledge achieved enlightenment. He wasn't impressed.
139. The 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not run on Lastings Milledge.
140. Lastings Milledge has you. And your kids. And your wife.
141. AA players are regularly sacrificed to keep Lastings Milledge from extracting vengeance.
142. If David Wright and Lastings Milledge were to fuse into one being, all would be obliterated.
143. Melky Cabrera and Ryan Howard are Lastings Milledge wannabes.
144. Goose Gossage would never throw at Lastings Milledge's head.
145. The Holy Trinity has been replaced by Reyes, Wright, and Lastings Milledge. Pray to them and you shall be saved.
146. Carlos Beltran is hitting thanks to Lastings Milledge.
147. Lastings Milledge will be the next NFL franchise in Los Angeles. They/He will start play in 2015.
148. Lastings Milledge injured Albert Pujols so he wouldn't get any ideas about trying to break the home run record before Milledge does.
149. Plutonium is a byproduct of Lasting Milledge's swing.
150. "Caesar" was just the Roman way of saying "Lastings Milledge."
151. Lastings Milledge's arm can power the entire North American continent.
152. It is forbidden in some cultures to even say the words "Lastings Milledge."
153. Lastings Milledge has 100 concubines. Every single Braves and Phillies player is one of them, except for Chipper Jones. He couldn't make it because Lastings Milledge waved his magic wand and turned Chipper into a rat. Then he gazed at him and sent him straight to rat hell.
154. Lastings Milledge's hard slide didn't take out John Schuerholz's son. Schuerholz fell down and injured himself when he found out his team was playing the Tides and Milledge was coming. And yes, Schuerholz is a pussy.
155. Lastings Milledge ghostwrote the bible.
156. Lastings Milledge will be the first black President. In fact, he already is. He will take over as soon as he hits his 900th homerun sometime in 2007.
157. The new Windows version has been renamed Microsoft Windows LM. Lastings wrote the code for the entire OS in less than one hour.
158. Lastings Milledge has 30 WS rings. He went into the future and retrieved all of them so he doesn't have to wait.
159. Lastings Milledge once hired Donald Trump to be his personal bat boy....after a week Lastings said, YOUR FIRED. Yes, he said "your" instead of "you're." Despite his super powers, grammar has never been Lastings Milledge's forte.
160. I walked into the room to find Lastings Milledge having sex with my wife. I waited until he finished and I thanked him.
161. After his game tying homerun against Armando Benetiz, Lastings Milledge pointed towards the heavens and thanked God. God assured him he had nothing to do with it and pointed right back at him adding a "Boo-Yaaaah!" Milledge cooly pointed right back and said, "Mo' Boo-Yaaah to ya."
162. If you pirate movies or music, Lastings will come to your house and give you an unholy beating.
163. Muhammed Ali is changing his name to Lastings Milledge.
164. Lastings Milledge IS instant replay. There is a delay time between Lasting Milledge's swing and when your eye actually picks it up.
165. Lastings Milledge is currently building the Mets new stadium.
166. Lastings Milledge went back in time and renamed Shea Stadium "Lastings Milledge's Crib." The Mets immediately became the winningest franchise in baseball history because every team was too afraid to play them.
167. Lastings Milledge is so fast that he arrives at home plate before completing his swing. Obviously, all of his hits are homeruns, whether the human eye can catch them or not.
168. It is impossible to see a slow motion version of Lasting Milledge's plays.
169. Lastings Milledge hit a home run on his back swing.
170. The Midas touch turns everything to gold. The Lastings Milledge touch turns everything into homeruns.
171. For the filming of "The Matrix", Lastings Milledge was called in to do all of the stunts.
172. The Braves don't talk trash because Lastings Milledge would go to Turner Field and beat the crap out of them.
173. The Braves are losing because the force of Lastings Milledge pushes all teams downward in the division.
174. Many girls think David Wright is cute, but they immediately have orgasms when Lasting Milledge's picture is shown.
175. Warren Spahn threw sixteen innings in a start. Lastings Milledge was doing that when he was in his mama's belly.
176. Only Lastings Milledge makes an out when he wants to. If he wanted, he could shatter Ty Cobb's batting average record, but that would be unfair.
177. When Manny Ramirez poses after a homerun, he is looking up at the sky for Lastings Milledge's approval.
178. Lastings Milledge could climb the Green Monster.
179. When seeing Luis Gonzalez throw, Lastings Milledge has to restrain from killing him. He hates seeing his greatest talent being butchered.
180. Ichiro, Jeff Francoeur, Carlos Beltran, and Vladimir Guerrero combine for 28% of Lastings Milledge's arm strength.
181. Jay Payton was the corrupt prototype of Lastings Milledge. Thankfully, the final version is here.
182. Lastings Milledge's swing is the sound of inevitability.
183. Cliff Floyd and Julio Franco fight over carrying Lastings Milledge's bags.
184. In 1984, scientists took the 1984 NL All Star team and conducted an experiment. They took all of their DNA and mated that with a woman's who was a member of the USC softball NCAA champions. The result: Lastings Milledge. He is actually a twin, his brother is Danny DeVito. Although, DeVito admits Lastings Milledge is clearly the superior twin.
185. The Tsunami of 2004 was a result of one of Lastings Milledge's homeruns landing in the Indian Ocean. Graciously, Lastings has since apologized.
186. Lastings Milledge is a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker.
187. In the Soccer World Cup draw, Lastings Milledge is his own group.
188. Chipper Jones washes Lastings Milledge's underwear.
189. Lastings Milledge doesn't need a Blackberry. He closes his eyes and all of his email appears in his head. Then in one glance he reads the 1000 messages he receives every hour.
190. Lastins Milledge designed the '86 Mets racing stripe uniforms.
191. Lastings Milledge healed Jose Reyes' hamstring.
192. E-mail only works because Lastings Milledge can throw your letters to other computers.
193. Lastings Milledge threw Derek Jeter out at home plate in Yankee Stadium. Lastings was playing RF at Shea at the time.
194. Lastings Milledge can finally get Pedro a win. No one has asked him yet.
195. It's a bird. It's a plane, NO it's LASTINGS MILLEDGE!!!
196. Lastings Milledge can assemble IKEA furniture in his sleep.
197. Lastings Milledge wasn't just high fiving people down the right field line, he was picking out people he can bench press between innings.
198. Teen spirit smells like Lastings Milledge.
199. Sammy Sosa didn't have pieces of cork in his bat when he hit over 60 homers three years in a row. He had pieces of Lastings Milledge.
200. Gregg Jefferies throws a batting helmet every time he looks at Lastings Milledge.
201. Lastings Milledge can get from Times Square to Shea Stadium faster than the #7 Express train. Sometimes he carries the train in his back pocket as he goes to work.
202. Lastings Milledge hair doesn't grow, he intimidates it out of his head.
203. Michael Jordan left the NBA for baseball because he admired an adolescent Lastings Milledge.
204. Opposing teams LOVE when Lastings Milledge slides spikes up into them.. Because they get to grace the spikes of God.
205. Lastings Milledge isn't on the All-Star ballot because no other outfielder would receive a vote. The other starters would be whoever Lastings feels like playing with that day.
206. Some Atlanta residents believe that the coming of Lastings Milledge means that Armageddon is coming, this October.
207. During the Cuban Missile Crisis, JFK aimed Lastings Milledge's arm at the Soviet Union; the conflict was soon resolved.
208. Lastings Milledge doesn't ask, "can you hear me now?" He just appears and kicks the crap of the person who doesn't hear him.
209. The Braves were eliminated from playoff contention the day Lastings Milledge was called up to the Mets.
210. When Lastings Milledge retires, baseball will fold.
211. Bill James had to come up with a new Sabermetrics formula to accurately understand the impact Lastings Milledge has had on baseball. The formula: e = LM squared.
212 . The Boston Red Sox won the 2004 World Series because Lastings Milledge likes a good New England Clam Chowder.
213. David Ortiz owes it all to Lastings Milledge.
214. Human Growth Hormone is just bottled Lastings Milledge essence.
215. Lastings Milledge knows where Sammy Sosa has disappeared to.
216. Hot and cold streaks really only happen because Lastings Milledge decides whether he likes you or not on a week to week basis.
217. Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds grew from Lastings Milledge's baby teeth.
218. Lastings Milldedge is the man from Nantucket.
219. Dae Sung Koo never doubled off Randy Johnson.... Lastings Milledge hit it for him, he then threw Koo head first into home plate.
220. After David Ortiz met Lastings Milledge, he changed his name to El Nino.
221. Shea Stadium is considered a "no fly zone" during Mets games because Lastings Milledge's home runs interfere with Laguardia's flight plans.
222. I got a ball signed by Lastings Milledge. I traded it to George Steinbrenner the next day for the Yankees and his first born son.
223. After this year, MLB has decided to combine the MVP, Cy Young, Gold Glove, Silver Slugger, and Rookie of the Year awards and rename it Lastings Milledge (not the Lastings Milledge Award. Just Lastings Milledge).
224. That sound you hear over Shea isn't planes flying from Laguardia, it's Lastings Milledge's bat swing breaking the sound barrier and creating a sonic boom.
225. Major league baseball just announced that it is illegal to shake Lastings Milledge's hand, it is now considered a performance enhancing drug.
226. Bradenton, Florida - Lastings Milledge's birthplace, has just been named the new capital of the United States of America.
227. Xavier Nady did not get appendicitis. Milledge strangled him with his do rag and then ate the corpse. The team is keeping it quiet. Gary Cohen got wind of it, now he has 'appendicitis' too ...
228. The coffee in the Mets clubhouse come in three varieties; Leaded, Un-leaded and Milledge.
229. The Team, The Time, The Milledge.
230. The Hall of Fame has been renamed Lastings Milledge's House.
231. Julio Franco eats five egg whites for breakfast. Lastings Milledge eats Shawn Abner, Gregg Jefferies, Ryan Thompson, Alex Ochoa, and Alex Escobar.
232. Lastings Milledge knows where they hid Jimmy Hoffa.
233. The Mets fired Fran Healy in honor of Lastings Milledge's arrival to the bigs.
234. Grant Hill played guitar at Lastings Milledge’s Bar Mitzvah.
235. Lastings Milledge knows what you did last summer.
236. Angelina Jolie has requested that Lastings Milledge be godfather to her newest child.
237. Pat Burrell has promised not to hit agaisnt the Mets for the remainder of his career, after Milledge threatened to give him a "curb-bite".
238. Kansas City has 45 losses this year because they are afraid to face Lastings Milledge in the World Series.
239. Lastings Milledge knows why Zach de la Rocha has not released his debut album yet.
240. You can vote for the all-star team 25 times, because voting just once for Lastings Milledge isn’t enough.
241. Lastings Milledge doesn't catch lightning in a bottle, he lets it out when he feels like seeing rain.
242. Lastings Milledge was offered a chance to work in porn, but no women would work with him for fear they'd never get to their next scene. Or walk straight again.
243. Jim Duquette tried to trade Lastings, but he vetoed it on the account that no man can be allowed to walk around with that type of guilt and Lasting doesn't believe in suicide.
244. The kid from the 'Sixth Sense' met Lastings Milledge and knew he was cured. He had previously met Alex Escobar the day before.
245. Doug Mientkiewicz and Mark Grudzielanek have each changed their names to only be four letters long as now only Lastings Milledge is allowed to have his name encircle his back.
246. William Shatner never pauses for dramatic affect when he says Lastings Milledge, he know it doesn't need any help.
247. Lastings was surprised to find out there was a new Superman movie coming out. He was a little taken aback when he realized they cast the role even after he turned them down.
248. Women don't fear Lastings Milledge, but just saying his name leaves them too spent to go talk to him.
249. Instead of saying cool we now just say Milledge.
250. Lasting Millege is never late, the clocks just got too excited and ran fast.
251. The next time Yankee fans ask Pedro who his daddy is, they'll be stunned into silence when they realize that Lastings is their daddy and they have answered their own question.
252. Lastings Milledge, not Lee Harvey Oswald, assassinated JFK. And Milledge didn't do it with a bullet, he simply threw bullets from the Book Depository and the Grassy Knoll. Simultaneously.
253. Lastings Milledge is Dwight Gooden's dealer.
254. Lastings' mother always uses the good china when Lastings comes home for dinner. No reason to save them for company if your son is Lastings Milledge.
255. Lastings Milledge doesn't wear a cup, because no one is stupid enough hit him there.
256. All our base are belong to Lastings Milledge.
257. David Wright has offered his 'sugar pants' nickname to Lastings Milledge, but Milledge turned him down insisting no one ever dare discuss his pants without taking them off and he doesn't get down like that.
258. Paris Hilton was seen leaving lasting Milledge's hotel room while he was on the road in L.A., when question about her encounter with Mr. Milledge, Paris simply uttered "That's Hot."
259. Lastings Milledge said he wears #44 to honor Hank Aaron. Actually, Aaron wore it to honor Lastings Milledge.
260. Shea Jones just smacked his father for not naming him Lastings.
261. Stevie wonder isn't blind; he's just waiting to see Lastings Milledge.
262. Spelling becomes very hard when you include Lastings Milledge's name in a sentence. Everyone knows how to spell Milledge; it's the other words that suffer, they become a little ashamed.
263. Jim Leyland won't smoke when Lastings Milledge comes to the plate, he knows he has to save his cigarettes for when Milledge is done.
264. John Holmes was no Lastings Milledge.
265. Lastings Milledge doesn't own an air conditioner. He's that cool by himself.
266. Lastings Milledge doesn't count in base ten. Base four is all he needs.
267. Lastings has apologized many times - he didn't mean to let the dogs out, but they were starting to annoy him.
268. Lastings doesn't pump his fist out of excitement. He punches the air for unsuccessfully trying to slow him down.
269. Lasting's teammates thought it would be funny to make the rookie wear a dress on a road trip. While in drag, Lastings was discovered by a talent scout at the airport and is now the biggest female supermodel in all of Europe.
270. The guy in the throat cancer commercial received throat cancer as apunishment for pissing off Lastings Milledge. His crime? He said Lastings was better than Jeff Francoeur. He received hs punishment for using Lastings name in the same sentence as Francoeur.
271. Lastings Milledge's jockstraps aren't washed and reused after games - they are recycled to make airplane black boxes.
272. Lastings Milledge takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
273. Unlike Jack Bauer, Lastings Milledge doesn't need 24 hours to save the world.
274. In a Vice-Presidential debate, Lloyd Benson once told Dan Qualye..."Senator, I knew Lastings Milledge, I served with Lastings Milledge. You are NO Lastings Milledge."
275. Albert Einstein said only two things are infinite. The universe and Lastings Milledge ... and we're not so sure about the universe.
276. Lastings Milledge thought he saw God but he was just looking in the mirror.
278. Lastings Milledge beat the Brazil soccer team single-handedly. VivaLastings Milledge.
279. There are only two objects on earth that can be seen from space - the Great Wall of China and the Great Lastings Milledge.
280. Lastings Milledge can change color like a chameleon.
281. Lastings Milledge can cut diamonds with his fingernails.
282. Lastings Milledge has slept with Marylin Monroe.
283. Lastings Milledge has never lost at Tic Tac Toe. Ever.
284. Lastings Milledge can easily understand a conversation between OzzyOsbourne, Bob Dylan and Keith Richards.
285. Lastings Milledge can't go swimming because he would change the water into wine.
286. Lastings Milledge can eat just one potato chip.
287. It never rains on Lastings Milledge's birthday.
288. Lastings Milledge can calculate pi to the last integer.
289. According to the String theory, Lastings Milledge is the 12th dimension.
290. Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity. Lastings Milledge invented it.
291. Lastings Milledge has an ox named blue.
292. Lastings Milledge eyesight is 20,000/20,000.
293. Lastings Milledge built the pyramids and stonehenge.
294. When Medusa looks at Lastings Milledge she turns to stone. He then breaks her into a million pieces with one swing of the bat.
295. Lastings Milledge never lost his virginity. He never loses anything
296. Lastings Milledge knows all the words to Rapper's Delight.
297. Lastings Milledge has one ring to rule them all.
298. It was not Jimmy Qualls who broke up Tom Seaver's perfect game in1969, it was Lastings Milledge.
299. Bobby Valentine says that if he managed Lastings Milledge, he would only have needed one other outfielder, Benny Agbayani.
300. Hillary Clinton intends to make Lastings Milledge her running mate in 2008. Lastings has stated he will try to win the World Series for the Mets latest by July so he can work on the campaign trail in the fall.
301. Steve Bartman wouldn't catch Lastings Milledge's foul ball.
302. Lastings Milledge doesn't steal bases. You can't steal what already belongs to you.
303. Lastings Milledge can stop Leo Mazzone from rocking back and forth in the dugout.
304. Lastings Milledge can see in 4 dimensions.
305. Lastings Milledge taught Peter Gammons everything he knows about baseball.
306. Lastings Milledge will pitch the first no-hitter is Mets history.
307. Lastings Milledge can afford to buy four Playstation 3's at once, that lucky mofo.
308. Before being drafted by the Mets, Lastings Milledge was the lead singer for the Gin Blossoms.
309. Lastings Milledge loves asian chicks. Actually, he loves all chicks. He is Lastings Milledge!
310. Lastings Milledge knows Kung Fu.
311. Lastings Milledge was the captain of Tom Emanski's back-to-back-to-back AAU national championship teams.
312. Lastings Milledge was the only black person to appear on Bevery Hills 90210.
313. Lastings Milledge can eat tons of Indian food and never have diarrhea. He has done it 16,000 times, a world record.
314. Lastings Milledge sews his own uniforms.
315. According to Nielsen ratings, Lastings Milledge's first homerun was rated at 90.9 in terms of TV viewers, where each point equals 5 billion viewers.
316. Lastings Milledge, and not Ichiro Suzuki is the most popular baseball player in Japan.
317. Lastings Milledge is allegedly the real reason for the Brad and Jen break up, as well as the alleged father of Angelina Jolie's supposedly adopted child. Actually, f**k that. Lastings Milledge IS all those things!
318. The black cat that run across the field at Shea Stadium in the 1969 World Series? Yeap... it was Lastings Milledge. Even as a different species, Lastings was helping the Mets win.
319. Lastings Milledge fought the law, and Lastings Milledge won.
320. Not only did Lastings Milledge shoot the sheriff, but he also killed the deputy. With one swing of the bat.
321. Ben Roethlisberger didn't hit a car with his motorcycle. He hit Lastings Milledge.
322. The new Mets stadium has already been dubbed, "The House that Lastings Built". And by the way, he is building it, by himself!
323. Lastings Milledge can eat more Nathan's hot dogs faster than Kobayashi.
324. Steve Somers has changed the beginning of his awesome monologue to "Lastings Milledge here and Lastings Milledge there" to make it even more awesome.
325. Lastings Milledge went to Geno's Cheesesteaks and ordered Vietnamese food, in Japanese, while wearing a turban. He was not only served, he is now the customer of the year.
326. Lastings Milledge can make peace between India and Pakistan. It's just that no one has asked him yet.
327. Lastings Milledge doesn't do happy hours.
328. Jesus wears a bracelet. That bracelet reads: "WWLMD".
329. And so sang the Temptations:
"Lastings Milledge can turn a grey sky blue.
Lastings Milledge can make it rain whenever he wants it to.
Lastings Milledge can build a castle from a single grain of sand.
Lastings Milledge can make a ship sail on dry land.
Lastings Milledge can get next to you."
330. Lastings Milledge was the first man on the moon....with Ed Kranepool and Duffy Dyer. That other thing was a hoax.
331. Lastings' favorite movie villain is General Zod of Superman II fame.
332. Against his parents urging, Lastings Milledge used the Monkees as his stepping stones .
333. Lastings Milledge was the unanimous selection to host the MTV Movie Awards, but he let Jessica Alba host because he couldn't miss the four game series in Arizona...and he thinks she is alright looking.
334. Lastings Milledge won't be sent back to the minors because once a hell mouth has opened, it can not be sealed.
335. The only person John Rocker fears more than "a kid with purple hair, some queer with AIDS, a dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, and a 20-year-old mom with four kids"
is Lastings Milledge.
336. Lastings Milledge was appointed the Secretary of State but he turned the job over to Condoleezza Rice.
337. Lastings Milledge taught Tiger Woods how to play golf. Lastings then gave the set of clubs he used to teach Tiger to a homeless child in Africa who uses them to this day to hunt crocodiles and provide food for his family of 44.
338. Al Leiter wasn't re-signed because he changed Lastings Milledge's station on the radio.
339. In 1776 George Washington offered to appoint Lastings Milledge as God-Emperor of the United States of Milledge, but he said he would rather play left field for the Mets. This was a full 65 years before Abner Doubleday even invented the game of baseball.
340. "Lastings Milledge IS my President."
341. Lastings Milledge's swing is the real cause of global warming.
342. Lastings Milledge's name means 'he who plays with balls'.
343. Lastings Milledge sees Santa Claus when he's sleeping. He knows when Santa's awake. He knows if Santa's been bad or good, so Santa better be good, or Lastings will beat his @$$.
344. Lastings Milledge has "former" Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin stuffed and hanging over his fireplace.
345. Lastings Milledge is allowed to say "bomb" at the airport (because he can do whatever he wants AND no one can stop him anyway).
346. The President holds for Lastings Milledge's phone calls.
347. Lastings Milledge can retransmit Major League Baseball without expressed written consent.
348. One man called Lastings Milledge ugly; Brian Peppers will not make that mistake again.
349. Doctors have the ability to heal people. That's because M.D. stands for "Milledge Disciple."
350. The bow before a karate fight isn't out of respect for your opponent, it is out of respect for the fact that your opponent isn't Lastings Milledge.
351. USA and Boston College have both changed their mascot from the Eagle to the Lastings Milledge.
352. Rickey Henderson once told Lastings Milledge that his all-time Stolen Bases record would never be broken. Lastings then snapped his fingers and Jose Reyes appeared. The rest will be history.
353. Lastings Milledge hit for the cycle in only 3 at-bats.
354. Lastings Milledge eats his Wheaties along with the box.
355. Lastings Milledge was created in a laboratory underneath the football field at the University of Chicago.
356. Lastings Milledge caught, killed, and ate Moby Dick.
357. On April 5th 1985, Lastings Milledge was hatched from a baseball that, during batting practice at Shea Stadium, was thrown at 107 MPH by Dwight Gooden, crushed over the centerfield wall by Darryl Strawberry, shattered the Budweiser sign on the Jumbo-tron and landed on top of the apple in the magic Top Hat, where he lived until May 30th, 2006.
358. Ernest Hemingway once referred to Lastings Milledge as "a real man's man." What he didn't know was that Lastings Milledge is also "a real god's god."
359. Lastings Milledge can run the two minute mile.
360. Barry Zito has a no-trade clause. He will refuse to play for the Mets if they trade Lastings Milledge for him.
361. Lastings Milledge will never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, be booed at Shea.
362. Fran Healy wishes he can watch Lastings Milledge run.
363. When President Bush said "Mission Accomplished" in 2003, he was talking about the Mets drafting Lastings Milledge.
364. When Lastings Milledge doesnt get a hit, it is because he feels its' not fair to always use his superpowers.
365. Babe Ruth came back from the dead to ask Lastings Milledge how he does it.
366. When Lastings Milledge was born, the Mets called shotgun and got him before anyone else could.
367. Lastings Milledge would have to slow his swing to meet a fastball from Jonathan Papelbon.
368. Baseball player's names are just nicknames - everyone is really named Lastings Milledge.
369. All that cheering you hear during the World Cup is really all the fans saying "LAS-TINGS MI-LLEDGE!!!", but in different languages.
370. Justin Gatlin and Asafa Powell can run 100 meters in a world-record time of 9.76 seconds. Lastings Milledge calls this "a slow mile time."
371. The reason Claudia and John Henry Williams have their late great father, Ted Williams, frozen is so that they can produce a clone to challenge Lastings Milledge for at least one batting title, since no one else can. Needless to say, it will fail.
372. Lastings Milledge is so fly, if you buy his jersey, it comes with the chain and do rag as well.
373. On October 25th, 1986, Frank Cashen held a double-secret tryout for 1 and half-year old Lastings Milledge in the batting cages under Shea Stadium. The impact from his first hit rocked the foundation of Shea Stadium, causing a routine dribbler behind first base to slip between the legs of old man Bill Buckner, eventually leading to the greatest World Series victory of all time.
374. For Lastings Milledge, pimpin' IS easy.
375. On the 'Cosby Show', Lastings Milledge played Sondra, Denise, Theo, Vanessa, Rudy, and Olivia. Then he went on to play Ross, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey on 'Friends'. He refused to play Rachel though.
376. Lastings Milledge doesn't use two-ply toilet paper, he uses wood and never gets splinters.
377. Rudy Guiliani doesn't have a lisp, Lastings Milledge took away his 'S' priviledges for cheering on the Yankees.
378. When a girl says no, she really means Lastings Milledge.
379. Lastings Milledge is the sole inspiration for the 'Party of Five'.
380. Lastings Milledge taught his twin brother, Lil Wayne, how to rap. (See picture).
381. Lastings Milledge is so powerful that when he check swings, he hits grand slams. And there's no one even on base.
382. When tearing down the Berlin Wall, instead of using a wrecking ball they just called in Lastings Milledge to give it one swift punch. Lastings unites countries.
383. Harvard wanted to give Lastings Milledge an honorary degree. Lastings turned it down, and then gave Harvard a Lastings degree.
384. 2Pac, Biggie and Elvis are still alive. They are hiding in Lastings Milledge's crib.
385. Lastings Milledge invented MySpace and disguised himself as "Tom". Nobody else besides Lastings Milledge could have 90 million friends.
386. Lastings Milledge ruled the Ottoman Empire in 200 B.C.
387. Lastings Milledge is Kaz Matsui inverted.
388. The brief case in "Pulp Fiction" contained the Lastings Milledge embryo.
389. Lastings Milledge doesn't have to eat vegetables.
390. When Lastings Milledge buys things at RadioShack they don't ask for his address or phone number.
391. Lastings Milledge doesn't receive junk mail.
392. Coming soon, joining Professor Reyes' Spanish Lessons on the Jumbotron will be Lastings Milledge's baseball lessons.
393. If Lastings Milledge were to drag bunt in San Fran, the ball would end up in the Bay.
394. 3rd Basemen tend to play a little off the bag when Lastings Milledge is up out of fear of dying.
395. When Lastings Milledge bats, opposing teams put on the shift. It's known as the Milledge Shift - it entails all fielders retreating to the dugout since they know Lastings is going to hit a homerun.
396. YMCA stands for Yes, Milledge Can do Anything.
397. "Mets" is a short nickname for Milledge.
398. If Lastings Milledge played in Colorado, he would break the single-season home run record in his first game there.
399. When Lastings Milledge bobbles a fly ball, he laughs inside.
400. It's not delivery- it's Lastings Milledge.
401. When Lastings Milledge hit his 1st home run, they checked to see if the ball was corked.
402. Every screen name on your buddy list is really Lastings Milledge - he just has a lot of time.
403. Lastings Milledge goes swimming right after he eats AND runs with scissors!!!!
404. Take Mike Piazza's bat, Tommy Agee's glove, Kevin McReynold's arm, Gary Carter's smile, Roger Cedeno's (yikes!) speed and Rusty Staub's personality; add them all together, stir, don't shake and you get the one, the only LASTINGS MILLEDGE; Met of the Century!!!
405. Lastings Milledge is the fortunate son.
406. Lastings Milledge misses Bob Murphy.
407. Lastings Milledge lets Keith Hernandez have his"left-overs."
408. Delgado stands for "God Bless America" if Lastings says so.
409. "You Gotta Believe" is a veiled prophecy of Lastings Milledge's arrival in 2006.
410. Lastings Milledge doesn't use a condom, he uses field tarp.
411. The Beatles were not the headliners at their historic 1965 concert at Shea Stadium - they were opening for Lastings Milledge.
412. Barry Bonds wanted to be more like Lastings Milledge, and only took HGH because he thought it stood for "Hair Growth Hormone".
413. Juilo Franco is younger than Lastings Milledge. (See fact # 436 to find out why).
414. Catching on solid ground is too easy for LastingsMilledge. For a greater challenge, Willie Randolph lets him use a Slip N' Slide in the outfield (see picture).
415. Lastings Milledge just wiped the smile off of Bobby Bonilla's face. Then he put it back on. Lastings doesn't like depriving mentally retarded people of their little possessions.
416. Tina Turner sang "You're Simply the Best" just for Lastings Milledge.
417. Lastings Milledge can force infield throwing errors... with his mind.
418. Lastings Milledge is Santa Claus...and the Tooth Fairy.
419. "The Macarena" is Spanish for Lastings Milledge.
420. Tom Glavine was seen asking Lastings Milledge for some pointers. Lastings told him to pitch inside. Glavine has been on a roll since.
421. The Mets don't need a 3rd catcher or even a 4th and 5th pitcher - Lastings Milledge can start and catch his own pitch.
422. The only reason it's "I wanna be like Mike" is because "Mike" is short for "Lastings Milledge".
423. Shaquille O'neal missed Media Day because he was on the phone with Lastings Milledge, asking for advice on his post-up game.
424. If you look closely enough, you'll see the name "Lastings Milledge" engraved on every helmet, bat, ball, glove, and jersey in the league.
425. Sal's Pals really love Lastings Milledge more.
426. The Philly Phanatic really spends the whole game trying to get the attention of Lastings Milledge.
427. Lastings Milledge could have beaten Tarver AND Hopkins.
428. Stewie Griffin admitted he couldn't dominate the world because Lastings Milledge is too powerful.
429. The NHL playoffs are getting bad ratings because right now Lastings Milledge is playing baseball.
430. Lastings Milledge knows the answer to every Aflac Trivia Question - in fact, he's the one who writes them and makes the duck sound which you can hear on SNY.
431. The MLB has been renamed LMB for Lastings Milledge Baseball.
432. Stever Somers is really Lastings Milledge. Why else would he be so awesome?
433. Lastings told Ben Roethlisberger to wear a helmet and drive carefully.
434. Before the game when Rowand made the catch off of Nady, Lastings Milledge gave Aarond Rowand the old "break a nose" line.
435. Lastings Milledge is Snapple - made from the best stuff on Earth.
436. Lastings Milledge is Julio Franco's father.
437. Every baseball game is really Lastings Milledge playing Xbox from above.
438. In Lord of the Rings, "my precious" refers to Lastings Milledge.
439. "Mets" stands for "Milledge is Everything They Said he was".
440. "Got Milk?" has recently changed their motto to "Got Lastings?"
441. Lastings Milledge would be the ultimate Mortal Kombat character.
442. Lastings Milledge invented beer...and the hot dog.
443. Lasting's Milledge's girlfriend has beer flavored nipples.
444. Lastings Milledge is Scot Boras' agent.
445. Lastings Milledge sweats Gatorade.
446. Lastings Milledge is superstitious. Before every game he kills a hobo with a hammer.
447. A bandwagon of Yankees fans was found riding towards Shea. Luckily, LastingsMilledge spotted them in time to smash the bandwagon back to the Bronx withhis lighting quick bat speed.
448. Hank Aaron wore #44 in an anticipatory homage to Lastings Milledge and hit exactly 755 homeruns so that he could achieve an even tenth of what it was told Lastings Milledge would hit.
449. Lastings Milledge lied about his age when he played in the Little League World Series in 1997...he was actually only 4.
450. Lastings Milledge plans on coaching the Knicks in the offseason...but not before he throws James Dolan off the Brooklyn Bridge.
451. Lastings' arm has been classified as a lethal weapon by the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA).
452. Lastings Milledge knows the words to "Louie, Louie" and "Chacarron Macarron".
453. Video didn't kill the radio star. Lastings Milledge met the radio star in an alley, jumped him, proceeded to beat the living crap out of him and shot him into outer space.
454. Lastings swung his bat so hard hitting the HR off Armando Benitez he went back in time to help the Allies win WWII by designing the A-bomb. He got back by swinging lefthanded, in time to take the field.
455. Tug McGraw said "Ya Gotta Believe", Lastings Milledge solidified it, the Mets motto is now "You Believe" .
456. Lastings Milledge came from a Black Hole.
457. Lastings Milledge is a long-time caller on Mike and the Mad Dog. He disguises his voice and calls himself Vinny from Brooklyn.
458. Lastings Milledge created the theory of relativity and the quantum physics, all while stealing his first major league base.
459. Many scouts have died for calling Milledge a 5 tool player. Milledge didn't kill any. He just invited them to his toolshed. They saw his 10o+ tools and died out of sheer admiration.
460. Mets fans no longer get take the 7 train to Willets Point. The stop has been renamed "Milledge Point."
461. It is commonly thought that on the seventh day God rested. The truth is He and Lastings Milledge played a game of catch.
462. Lastings Milledge can hit a ball out of the park every at bat but thinks it's more entertaining to have an inside the park homerun with a bunt.
463. Why is Lastings Milledge so good defensively? He sewed his glove out of Ozzie Smith's flesh.
464. The Nolan Ryan for Jim Fregosi trade was a move to free up a spot on the 40 man roster for Lastings Milledge.
465. Bo knows Lastings Milledge.
466. Lastings Milledge has replaced Sidney Ponson as an honorary knight of Aruba.
467. Samuel L. Jackson drinks Lastings Milledge beer!
468. Lastings Milledge wins the "Mets turning point of the game contest" on WFAN everyday.
469. Lastings Milledge is in 1 billion fantasy leagues. And all his teams are in first place.
470. Lastings Milledge didn't boo Carlos Beltran.
471. The 'Cowbell Man' at Shea is Lastings Milledge's cousin. Yes, that is NOT Lastings Milledge. Lastings doesn't have time for that kind of crap.
472. Edvard Munch made a self-portrait after he saw Lastings Milledge. He named the painting “The Scream”.
473. Lastings Milledge cannot tell a lie. He confessed, "I cut down the cherry tree".
474. Lastings Milledge threw Michael Jordan ... He later nicknamed him "Air". ... the rest is history.
475. Pedro wears a t-shirt that reads “Vote for Lastings”.
476. Ryan Howard didn't make a base running error when he was caught between second and third, he was running away from Lastings Miledge.
477. When Willie Randolph said the Lastings Milledge's arm was actually "average", Lastings called Willie into HIS office for a talk.
478. Before every swing, Lastings Milledge is required by law to say, "I'm Lastings Milledge, and I approve of this homerun."
479. Lastings Milledge can calculate the trajectory of each of his throws.
480. Baseball America considered Lastings Milledge a top prospect when he was still in preschool.
481. When the Mets eventually attempt to send Lastings Milledge back down to Triple A, a candle light vigil will be held outside of Shea Stadium. Followers will take to the streets. Their voices cannot be denied.
482. Heath Bell is the propaganda minister for the Lastings Milledge Movement.
483. It's reported that a Mets beach towel has the shroud of Lastings Milledge imprinted onto it.
484. When Lastings Milledge is beaned the trainer comes in to see if the ball is ok.
485. The answer to life, the universe, and everything is 44.
486. Lastings Milledge does not use a regulation baseball bat. That is his Detachable Penis.
487. Lastings Milledge can control the wind in Shea Stadium. Why does he make it so tough to play in? He likes a challenge.
488. The Mets don't use fertilizer on the Shea Stadium field. They use Lastings Milledge's sweat.
489. Lastings Milledge washes himself off with pine tar after every game.
490. Environementalists have tapped Lastings Milledge as an alternative energy source.
491. Lastings Milledge made Sidd Finch literally disappear off the face of the earth out of embarassment because he kept hitting HRs off of him. Milledge was born on April 5th, 1985. Sidd Finch disappeared after an article first published in early April 1985. Coincidence? We think not. It's been dismissed as an April Fools 'hoax'.
492. Baseball is afraid to crackdown on steroids because the players need them to keep up with Lastings Milledge's natural ability.
493. Lastings Milledge keeps a better score card than Gary Cohen--even when he is playing in the game.
494. Lastings Milledge has memorized Carlos Delgado's entire hitting notebook.
495. Joe Benigno received that awesome accent from Lastings Milledge.
496. Lastings Milledge invented the piano key necktie. He INVENTED IT! What have you done?
497. Vito didn't come back to New Jersey because he missed the mob, he came back because he missed Lastings Milledge.
498. Historians now believe that the Great Depression was caused by the nonexistence of Lastings Milledge.
499. Steroids have no effect on Lastings Milledge because they are already made from his DNA.
500. Lastings Milledge has a free ESPN Insider account. And he logs in to it from a thousand different computers without ever getting caught by ESPN.
501. Lastings Milledge designed the Levi's 501 jeans.
502. Lastings Milledge doesn't back up his hard drive. Yeah, he is tough like that.
503. No crook has ever tried to make Lastings Milledge their identity theft victim. It's impossible. Lastings Milledge has thirty-five identities.
504. Lastings Milledge's official website is www.awesome.LM
. Yes, he has his own domain.
505. "Winged Foot" is named after Lastings Milledge.
506. Lastings Milledge didn't just slow down while running the bases. He took a quick leave to go save a burning child.
507. WFAN just switched from Sports Radio 66 to Sports Radio 44.
508. Lastings Milledge is more valuable than the most valuable gift in the world: a child's laughter.
509. Only Roger Cedeno playing defense can make Lastings Milledge crack a smile.
510. Lastings Milledge's team is in first place and just swept Cole Hamels's team. Game, set, match.
511. Lastings wasn't late reporting for Thursdays game but in fact was a day early for the Friday game.
512. Lastings Milledge doesn't need the Shea Stadium grounds crew to cut the grass, he dares it to grow.
513. Lastings Milledge sold a piece of moldy bread on Ebay that had an image of Lastings in it for 44 trillion dollars. Of course, he was the winning bidder because no one else has 44 trillion dollars.
514. Lastings Milledge has his own stock. Its ticker symbol is LM, and it only goes up.
515, God tried to recreate Lastings Milledge, but couldn't. Instead he created Cow Bell Man.
516. Ramon Castro isn't a bad baserunner, in fact he is faster then Jose Reyes he just rather stare at Lastings Milledge rather then concentrate on the game.
517. Lastings Milledge wasn't late for the game. The game started too early.
518. The crowd is told to be quiet at the US Open, not because of the tennis match. It's a hushed awe for Lastings Milledge.
519. When Lastings Milledge makes an out, he does it to be a good teammate, so nobody gets jealous.
520. Lastings Milledge throws firecrackers at Vince Coleman.
521. Jason Giambi apologized for not being Lastings Milledge. Since he was man enough to admit that, the public has embraced him.
522. The last dentist finally caved after talking to Lastings Milledge. Now all 5 recommend Dentyne.
523. Lastings Milledge will yell out "Safe" right before laying down a bunt, that way he can hear himself after he reaches first base. The umpires are too afraid to interfere.
524. Due to his good nature, Lastings Milledge gave Joe Torre one of his dreadlocks. After three days of incubation it became Melky Cabrera.
525. Lastings Milledge was the stunt double in Jet Li's "The One."
526. Lastings Milledege is the last of the Mohicans.
527. When Lastings Milledge plays miniature golf, he plays through everyone.
528. Lastings Milledge knocked the pimp cup out of Nas' pimp hand with a line drive.
529. Dirk Nowitzki didn't foul Dwyane Wade...Lastings Milledge did.
530. Everything Lastings Milledge touches with his left hand will turn to gold. He wears a glove to protect the fans and his teammates, he dosn't actually need one.
531. The Tommy Tutone song "Jenny (867-5309)," was not about a girl named "Jenny." It is the number of Lasting Milledge's Blackberry.
532. Even Martians tune in to see Lastings Milledge and the Mets play.
533. Bennett Salvatore didn't call that foul against Dwayne Wade. It was Lastings Milledge.
534. Lastings Milledge can tell why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
535. Lasting Milledge stormed the beaches at Normandy during the D-day invasion, and killed 3,000 Germans by throwing, not shooting, bullets.
536. There's a bit of Lastings Milledge in every bar of Irish Spring.
537. The highest threat level on the Department of Homeland Security advisory system is no longer "Code Red: Severe" but instead "Code Orange and Blue: Someone Get Milledge! Now!"
538. Lastings Milledge started the rally in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series.
539. Mickey Mantle once hit a 607 foot home run that hit the lights at Yankee Stadium while it was still rising. Lasting Milledge refers to this as "the closest anyone has gotten." Mantle bowed and agreed.
540. Inspired by Dunkin' Donuts, President Bush recently changed the motto of the nation from "In God We Trust" to "America Runs on Milledge."
541. Milledge once hit a home run at Shea that decimated the Giant Red Apple in center field, bounced back to slam Tom Seaver in the face while he was calling the game, then blasted through Casey Stengel's retired number in left field. Stengel responded by coming back from the dead to tell Milledge: "Nice one kid." Not many people know Stengel is buried in left field.
542. If you play a recording of John Sterling saying "thhheee Yankees win" backwards, you can hear Lindsay Nelson saying "another thrown out baserunner by Lastings Milledge."
543. Lastings Milledge could bring back disco, but he chooses not to.
544. Lastings Milledge can play every single part from every single song by Queen at once on the same guitar. Then he can rap on the riffs like Biggie.
545. The concept of ninjas, pirates, cowboys, ghosts, and robots all came from Lastings Milledge.
546. Pitchers don't try to throw sliders or curve balls away from Lastings Milledge; they're regular fastballs, but the balls just run away from Lastings Milledge.
547. Lastings Milledge. 'Nuff said.
548. All Shea Stadium promotional giveaways are now officially presented by Lastings Milledge.
549. Major League baseballs are now signed by Lastings Milledge rather than Bud Selig.
550. E-bay auctions selling autographed Lastings Milledge paraphenalia have to be routinely removed from the site because the bids reach too many digits for the website's bandwidth to support.
551. Chad Bradford was convinced to throw side-arm by Lastings Milledge.
552. When Lastings Milledge hits a home run at Wrigley Field, the fans won't be able to
throw the ball back.
553. Lastings Milledge performed his own cesarean section.
554. Alay Soler didn't defect from Cuba on a boat, he jumped on Lastings' back and rode him into New York Harbor. It took 13 seconds.
555. Trix aren’t for kids, they’re for Lastings Milledge.
556. Lastings Milledge caught the Roadrunner.
557. Lastings Milledge can fix the Knicks.
558. Lastings Milledge made a suprise appearance at the College World Series in Omaha. After hearing thunderous chants of "Lastings Milledge", he decided to take an at-bat and proceeded to hit a 600 foot bomb, using a #2 pencil for a bat.
559. Lastings Milledge doesn't need a remote to change the channel.
560. Cole Hamels is a lot like Lastings Milledge. They both are young prospects, they both have websites with facts about them, and they both play in the NL East. The difference between Hamels and Milledge is that Milledge's team is in first place.
561. Lastings Milledge is the entire forerunner race. He built the 7 Halo installations to destroy the universe if he ever failed in his mission of leading the Mets to a victory in the World Series.
562. Gary Cohen used to have a full head of hair. Then he saw that one time when Lastings Milledge struck out for real - and poof... his hair were gone.
563. The ladies in the stands love Chris Cotter. But they love Lastings Milledge more.
564. All those Ford cars in the Jeter commercial? They are all actually owned by Lastings Milledge.
565. In a recent visit to Shea Staium, the Baltimore Orioles wore a number 44 patch on their jersey. Contrary to popular belief, the patch wasn't worn in recognition of Elrod Hendricks like in other Orioles games. During their visit to Shea, the patch was a tribute to the awesomeness that is Lastings Milledge.
566. It wasn't Dave Roberts stealing a base in game 4 of the 2004 ALCS, it was Lastings Milledge in a Dave Roberts costume.
567. Lastings Milledge dosen't need a bat to hit, he uses his arm.
568. Lastings Milledge got 99 problems but hitting ain't one.
569. Lastings Milledge is the Chief Executive Officer of SNY. He is also the owner, the Chief Financial Officer and the Chief Operations Officer.
570. Cooperstown has been renamed Milledge Village.
571. The Mets have already scheduled 17 Lastings Milledge Bobblehead Days next year.
572. Lastings Milledge always get the last drop of A-1 sauce.
573. The movie "The Natural" is actually an autobiography of Lastings Milledge. Not only is it written by Milledge, its also directed, produced and stars Lastings in a Robert Redford costume.
574. Barry Bonds once hit a ball into the water in right field at the stadium in San Francisco. Lastings Milledge left the stadium, went into the water to get the ball, signed a contract extension, took a nap, went back into right field, and threw Bonds out at first.
575. Lastings Milledge once went 7-6 with ten triples and nine home runs in a single inning.
576. Whenever Lastings Milledge comes to bat, the umpires want to award him home plate, as in a home run, out of sheer awe and admiration. Baseball is considering sending all umpires to "Lastings resistance" training. Unfortunately, what they don't realize is that the entire world can get this training and still be amazed by the great Sir Lastings.
577. The 2020 Summer Olympics will be held in New York so that Lastings Milledge does not have to travel to win all 150 gold medals.
578. Lastings Milledge performed the appendectomies on Xavier Nady and Gary Cohen.
579. All broken bats are sent to Lastings Milledge for examination.
580. BREAKING NEWS: Osama bin Laden has released his latest video, proclaiming that he will only surrender to Lastings Milledge.
581. Pedro Martinez came to the Mets in 2005 because he saw that Lastings Milledge was in the team's farm system. And that miedge that Pedro carried around with him? That's Lastings' cousin.
582. Lastings Milledge has won more games than the Kansas City Royals.
583. Lastings Milledge will single-handedly lower gas prices to $0.19 a gallon in early 2007.
584. Bill Buckner missed that ball because he was blinded by Lastings' giant cross. Milledge was only a year old, but through his pure awesomeness, he got front row tickets behind the plate.
585. His middle name is Darnell ... and that's actually true!
586. Lastings Milledge would not have missed those kicks in Pittsburgh.
587. Congress has scheduled an emergency session to deal with the nation's biggest issue: the absence of Lastings Milledge's face on Mt. Rushmore.
588. Lastings Milledge recieved over 700,000,000 write-in votes for this year's All-Star Game.
589. The Angels have been renamed the Los Angeles Angels of Lastings.
590. Stewie Griffin wishes to grow up and be like Lastings Milledge.
591. Lastings Milledge wrote all songs on Ten. And on Vs. And on Vitalogy. He had nothing to do with No Code, though.
592. Lastings Milledge would fire Isiah Thomas, Larry Brown AND Jim Dolan. He never leaves any job unfinished.
593. Polly wants a Lastings Milledge.
594. Lastings Milledge owns the Brooklyn Bridge.
595. Lastings Milledge created iTunes.
596. Lastings Milledge could huff and puff and blow that brick house down, eliminating the final of the Three Pigs.
597. That wasnt Rod Brind'amour raising the Cup in Carolina...it was Lastings Milledge. His spirit is present everywhere a championship is won. He is there. Always. He watches.
598. Lastings Milledge is the creator of this web page.
599. Lord Stanley is a nickname for Lastings Milledge.
600. Lastings Milledge can intercept any North Korean missile using one of his dreadlocks. The US Missile Defense System is nothing but a decoy for Lastings Milledge.
601. Listen closely. Bono is singing "Ever LastingS love...".
602. Lastings Milledge scored a 2400 on the old, unmodified SAT test.
603. The reason Benny Agbayani through the ball back into the stands was because Lastings Milledge was sitting there.
604. Lastings Milledge was the one who flew over The Cuckoos Nest.
605. Lastings Milledge beat 3 ghosts and Waldo in hide 'n seek.
606. Lastings Milledge is the only Met ever to be praised by Mike and the Mad Dog.
607. Only Lastings Milledge knows how Thornton beat out Jagr for the Hart Trophy. No one else knows.
608. Moneyball isn't a book about winning an unfair game, it's a book full of exuses about why Billy Beane didn't draft Lastings Milledge.
609. Mayor Michael Bloomberg has added a 6th borough to New York City - Lastings Milledge.
610. Lastings Milledge is the only person good enough to make the Hall of Fame just for showing up to many consecutive games.
611. When Lastings Milledge shows up late for a game, MLB delays the game time to match his arrival. Can a game really start without him?
612. The real Moore's Law was altered by scientists before it was published. The original transcript stated: "The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every time Lastings Milledge feels like it. Currently, Lastings feels 18 months sounds like a pretty good time. All hail Lastings Milledge - the father of modern science." Needless to say, Moore was never able to get out this theory in its original form, a travesty which science laments to this day.
613. Milledge's parents didn't name him Lastings believing he would be their last child, he told them he would be the last one.
614. Billy Wagner blows all those saves so he can extend the game and catch one
more Milledge at-bat.
615. The largest metric unit is LM. It's impossible to convert it into anything else but HR.
616. Lastings Milledge thinks Andruw Jones is "corny."
617. Lastings Milledge has 24 Electoral Votes.
618. Iran asked for Lastings Milledge as part of a deal to stop enriching uranium.
619. Lastings Milledge once bought all of the empty seats at Turner Field during the playoffs and filled them with Rhesus Monkeys.
620. A vending machine once ate Lastings Milledge's dollar. The ensuing events were depicted in Pablo Picasso's " Guernica".
621. Lastings Milledge saved 15% or more on his car insurance by switching to Geico without making a 15 minute phone call.
622. The reason for controversy over the votes counted in the 2000 presidential election in Florida was because the state was actually won by Lastings Milledge even though he was not running for president.
623. Critics have been wondering for many months why Bobby Abreu ever won a gold glove. The answer is very simple: Lastings Milledge felt bad for him for having to play for the Phillies.
624. Lastings Milledge has been known to "Show Albert Pujols a thing or two".
625. MLB is discussing how the box score format can be changed to properly recognize Lastings Milledge's at-bats.
626. Lastings Milledge advises world leaders on matters of importance in between at-bats.
627. Lastings Milledge doesn't block pop-up ads. He traces their origins through HTML and fries their servers in real-time.
628. Lastings Milledge can recite "War and Peace" from memory.
629. Lastings Milledge is a 15 time WWE champion.
630. Lastings Milledge knows what McDonald's secret sauce is.
631. Lastings Milledge IS his f**kin' khakis!
632. Jay-Z retired because he was scared Lastings Milledge would become a rapper and dominate that industry, just as he dominates baseball.
633. Lastings Milledge made Busta shave off his dreads.
634. Angelina Jolie tried to adopt Lastings Milledge, he said no.
635. Starting in 2007 all MLB players will be required to wear high socks, becuase Lastings Milledge said so.
636. Bruce Arena is always in a bad mood because Lastings Milledge chose baseball over soccer.
637. Lastings Milledge is only hitting .270 because he doesn’t want to threaten David Wright as the team’s best hitter, thus wrecking his confidence and hurting the team.
638. Steve Phillips was not having an affair with his secretary. A 12 year old Lastings Milledge was. And it wasn’t Steve Phillips secretary, it was Heidi Klum.
639. The 400 funniest entries on this site were written by Lastings Milledge. The 200 next funniest by Ralph Kiner. The ones that aren’t funny were written by Fran Healy.
640. Lastings Milledge is Greek for "the God of the long ball."
641. According to a recent poll of women, NO means NO....unless you're Lastings Milledge.
642. Princess Diana and Dodi didn't die in the car crash in Paris, they were rescued by Lastings Milledge. Now married and living in Flushing, they named their firstborn child Lastings Milledge Al-Fayed.
643. Lastings Milledge always has the right-of-way.
644. Lastings Milledge is the walrus, goo goo g' joob.
645. Lastings Milledge was the inofrmant "Deep Throat" AND the star of the porn movie of the same name. That's how HE rolls.
656. Lastings is the best player to ever play in Canada.
657. Lastings Milledge knows who John Galt is.
658. At every baseball stadium throughout the country, there is a moment of silence when Lastings Milledge steps to the plate.
659. If Lastings Milledge played hockey, people would actually care!
660. The United States soccer team will win the 2010 Fifa world cup because of the 14 goals scored by their all star forward....Lastings Milledge.
661. When Ty Cobb was a kid he pretended to be Lastings Milledge in annual family wiffleball games.
662. OJ Simpson lost his temper and killed his wife because she told him "Lastings Milledge is a better athlete than you". When Milledge found out, he quickly got himself on to the jury and helped aquit OJ out of smypathy...Not because his wife told him such a thing, but because it was actually true.
663. Since Kaz Matsui was traded, Lastings Milledge is the only Met player who is fluent in Japanese.
664. The 1978 dance hit "Macho Man" was actually written by Lastings Milledge. This was before he left the group to play baseball, when they were still the Milledge People.
665. Since Lastings' call up from AAA-Norfolk on May 30th, the official franchise abbreviation for the New York Mets has been changed from "NYM" to "LM".
666. The Devil has the initials "LM" tattooed on his right arm.
667. Lastings Milledge drafted Lastings Milledge.
668. Lastings Milledge has never missed a McDonalds breakfast.
669. Lastings Milledge is the reason why Chris Majkowski is immortal.
670. Lastings Milledge knows who framed Roger Rabbit.
671. Ever since Milledge's call-up on May 30th, 2006, Keith Hernandez has changed his pickup line from "Hey, I'm Keith Hernandez" to "Hey, I know Lastings Milledge."
672. Lastings Milledge can make a kosher cheeseburger. They are sold at the Right Field Food Court.
673. Lasting Milledge was offered the Knicks Head Coaching job.
674. NY is on its Lastings Milledge sh!t.
675. On the corner of 6th Ave and 59th st. they sell I <3 LM t-shirts, unfortunately they are not offering the buy 1 get 1 free deal.
676. Lastings Milledge actually beat lance Armstrong in the Tour de France. But he got disqualified for not using a bike.
678. Lastings Milledge has a G’d up swagger.
679. They use Lastings Milledge's sweat in Tag Body Spray AND Axe.
680. Lastings Milledge played Pokemon and caught them all in under 3.1 seconds. After he was done with the game, Lastings gave his GameBoy to the Braves and asked them to keep it safe during October.
681. Lastings Milledge picks a perfect NCAA tournament bracket every year.
682. Pedro has hit all the mets with his plastic bat except for Lastings Milledge..When he was asked why, Pedro answered "I want my career to go on as long as possible".
683. Lastings Milledge invented hit-a-way.
684. Lastings Milledge didn't wear a leather skirt and feather boa for "rookie initiation" - he wore one because he's Lastings Milledge, and can wear a leather skirt w/ a feather boa whenever he feels like it!
685. The Atlanta Braves will not win another NL east title for 44 years. This will be known as the curse of Lastings Milledge.
686. The money used in heaven is required to say "In Lastings we trust."
687. Lastings Milledge once scored a 11 in a round of 18 holes in golf. He did this only once... his usual score is in the single digits.
688. Julio Franco says he considers Lastings Milledge to be "like an older brother."
689. For his birthday, George Steinbrenner gave Lastings Milledge theYankees.
690. Lastings Milledge names his poop. He, however, has only pooped 5 times in his life. He named them Victor Zambrano, Kaz Matsui, Mo Vaughn, Roberto Alomar, and Jim Duquette. 691. Lastings Milledge's body odor can cure any disease. Unfortunatly Lastings Milledge NEVER STINKS.
692. Another poop that Lastings Milledge made was Braden Looper.
693. Lastings Milledge can knock over the wine glass on a Tempurpedic. Because nothing can absorb the shock of Lastings's Power.
694. Had Lastings been a Cardinal, he would have been the next Pope. But he's a Met... so now he is the next God.
695. One person has mispronounced Lastings name... he's already been "taken care of."
696. Cliff Floyd is not as productive this year because he knows he no longer has the biggest schlong in the clubhouse. He's in 3rd. 2nd is Delgado, and 1st is Lastings.
697. Lastings has a permanent seat on the UN Security Council.
698. "Lastings Milledge" is merely a name chosen to suit our mortal ears. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of his true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night.
699. Lastings Milledge is better than a $5 milkshake.
700. Anything you say can and will be held against you by Lastings Milledge.
701. Lastings Milledge is not responsible for Jeff Goldblum, but for everything else he is.
702. Lastings Milledge Played Santa Claus in the 2004 and 2005 Macy's Thanksgiving Day parades.
703. A long time ago in galaxy far far away Lastings Milledge and Mr. Met had a duel to the death. The battle was won by the superior being Lastings Milledge but the true identity of Mr. Met was revealed as Lastings Miledge's father.
704. Duaner Sanchez doesn't ice his arm because playing with LastingsMilledge is cool enough.
705. Milledge's Law: Anything that can go Milledge, will go Milledge.
706. After a torrent foul ball hit by Lastings caused a 6 car pileup downtown, Manhattan decided to change the name Greenwich village to Milledge village.
707. Randy Johnson is so intimidated by Lastings that he puts his cap on backwards and pitches right handed when playing against the Mets.
708. When Lastings Milledge speaks to a pitcher, it doesn't count as an official visit to the mound.
709. After months of careful research, Lastings Milledge informed the little boys and girls of Queens that Mr. Met wasn't a real person.
710. eHarmony.com is now telling people what type of Lastings Milledge jersey they'd be most compatible with.
711. Lastings Milledge never would have allowed "Our Team Our Time" to be recorded.
712. Lastings Milledge put the pine tar in Jay Howell's glove back in 1988.
713. Lastings Milledge can throw a Party Patrol t-shirt into the upper deck, no gun needed.
714. Lastings Milledge won't be playing in the All-Star Game because he's too good to play in Pittsburgh as a member of the home team.
715. Depressed pitchers will now be said to have Lastings Milledge's Disease.
716. Lastings Milledge makes the Mets Fan Fest open 8 hours before gametime.
717. Lastings Milledge could hit a homer off of that big artistic pitcher graphic outside of Shea Stadium.
718. Lastings Milledge knows how many pickle peppers Peter Piper picked. It was 37, the same number of batting titles he will win during his major league career.
719. Lastings Milledge let Manny's pop-up fall just so Theo Epstein wouldn't feel so bad about passing on the Manny for Milledge trade last July.
720. Fenway Park's standing ovation was not in fact for the Pedro Martinez video. They were cheering Lastings Milledge's warm-up tosses.
721. In Lastings Milledge’s right rear view mirror, objects are actually further away than they appear.
722. Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Jason Grimsley, Jose Canseco, Rafael Palmeiro and Mark McGwire never used anabolic steroids or HGH. They are just hemophiliacs who received Lastings Milledge's blood.
723. Lastings Milledge came late to a 1:10 game because he was playing in a World Cup game in Germany.
724. The breakfast cereal KIX has changed it's slogan from "Kid tested, mother approved" to "Because Lastings said so." It has since passed Cheerios as the #1 selling cereal worldwide.
725. The major league record book writers have been prepared to print “1. Lastings Milledge*” next to every record. The asterisk is there because it is unfair to expect anyone to compete with Lastings for the records.
726. Batting practice pitchers for the Mets pray before every BP session that Lastings doesn’t hit them with a “comebacker”.
727. Lastings Milledge isn't afraid of the beast that lives next to the Sandlot.
728. Lastings Milledge scored ahead of Timo Perez on Todd Zeile's double in Game One of the 2000 World Series and then came on to strike out Paul O'Neill leading off the ninth. The Mets went on to win their third championship. Lastings Milledge was voted MVP at the age of 15.
729. Lastings Milledge didn't trade for Robbie Alomar.
730. Every game the Mets play is an Interleague game because Lastings Milledge is in a league of his own.
731. Lastings Milledge didn’t muff those catches near The Green Monster, that was Roger Cedeno in a Lastings Milledge costume. Lastings Millegde was actually busy beating up on the rest of the NL on those nights.
The real fact: Unlike the list on the Cole Hamels site, all of these facts about Lastings Milledge are actually true. ;)10,002. The really real fact: We love Lastings Milledge. And we love our Mets!Go Lastings! Go Jose! Go David! Go Pedro! 2006 IS OURS!
Know more amazing facts about the indefatigable Lastings Milledge? Let us know: firstname.lastname@example.org
Original Photo credits:
1. Mike McGann/NYBaseballcentral.com
2. The 'high-fiving the fans' photo: www.nydailynews.comOther Photos/Spoofs/collages submitted/created by:
O. Benmally, B. Clancy, Tom Gallagher, hasan*Thanks to everyone who has sent in these facts. I will be updating this site at least twice daily and more often if Lastings Milledge orders me to. Keep it coming, or you know Lastings Milledge will eat your children.
Hasan and Constnza81Contributor credits (some of many!):
stemad, bennyblancofromdabronx, the david, Greg, Mike53, ChuckkieB , Rubin8orNote from site owner:
I have tried my best to avoid cookie-cutter type BS facts or those that have been ripped off from other sites such as Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer, etc and tried to keep this Mets-related and especially LASTINGS MILLEDGE-related. However, given the short amount of time I have to read through, edit and post these, some lame ones may get through (as I am sure a lot have!)... Please email me at the address above and let me know if some (or many, it's certainly possible) are just regurgigated versions of other facts and I will purge such crap ASAP.. Thanks.